I recently read someone who turned to me part way through the reading and said “You are just telling me what I want to hear”. Typical me, I laughed…
Because this happens occasionally, often enough for me not to be surprised anymore when it does. I asked him in return, “how do I know what it is that you want to hear”? He answered, “well it’s what everyone wants to hear”. I love this conversation when it happens out loud rather than in your head when you walk away!
“Not true”, I could say whole-heartedly. He pushed back until I gave him three different examples of people in the previous week that would be uncomfortable or horrified at what I told him about him. Because it wasn’t what they wanted to hear at all! He nodded partial consent of the point but struggled with trusting.
This is when I decided to write this post, by the way. It comes up often enough, so I wanted to address it with more people.
Truth for each of us has a feeling, almost like a lock popped open. You know that click. Or if you love baseball, the way a pop fly sounds when it lands squarely in your glove. A solid thunk is so right in your hand!
Truth gives you an expanded feeling in your chest, a warm glow even, that radiates through you and feels oh so good. Like the M in Yummmmm vibrates through you, this is what a home truth feels like.
On the other hand, fear and lies make you tighten up. You feel that knot in your stomach or even a little clenched teeth. Your shoulders pull in and your body gears up for protection. It’s a very different feeling than the truth.
Here is the sneaky part. When you realize your brain stem reads expansion as risk and you recognize it’s job is to contain risk; then it makes sense why once you hear an expansive truth your brain’s security guards (fear, doubt, judgment and criticism) race in to try to limit your new bigger view of you. This is why people start questioning me as to how true it is when they LOVE what it is they just heard.
First they feel the pop, or click of expansion blooming then the fear races in to contain the damage! Notice how these two play out together…first expansion, then contraction!
Lucky me, I understand brain biology and can give individuals the tools to manage those guards – after all they work for you. Fear, doubt, judgment and criticism are all working to save you from the unknown in any new truth, experience, situation or feeling. If they have to make you contract and feel smaller in order to do it, well it’s just survival, that’s lies or fear at work doing their job.
Your job is to remember you’re the boss. Not them! They’re big, they’re fast and a bit tricky in trying to protect you – those fears, doubts, judgments and criticism. They just aren’t committed to the truth about you (or others for that matter). Learn to tell the difference. Feel your way into it. Does it feel expansive or contracting. A breath out and an ahhh, or is it a gulp in and a clutch moment.
We are fascinating to see…Don’t you agree!
Thanks for taking a moment for you and these few words. Here’s wishing you a good day filled with aha moments as you start paying attention to the difference in a truth or lie as it shows up in your body. We are pretty brilliant, aren’t we? Give yours a little pat on the back when you have a moment. You’ll thank you.