The astrology this month makes the past few months look calm by comparison. It has arrived, the end of the 18 year cycle with the Solar Eclipse this Saturday and the Lunar Eclipse on the 27th. Depending on where it shows up in your charts and in your hands, you may be feeling it in a whole range of ways. Lets focus on the Shadow Side and Love for the sake of, well, focus that can help you the most.
The dark side of love along with the light side shape everything we create. How, you might ask? Let me share…
No matter how brilliant your childhood may have been, we all grew into adulthood with unmet needs. It is the human condition. I look at your hands and charts to learn how much those needs impact you, where or how it shows up for you specifically. Still we can cover some important points in the absence of specifics about you for the sake of support I can offer right now.
Our shadow side comes up around those places that didn’t get the right love, attention, time, respect and so much more. It holds all the twisted stories with their shame, blame, rage and pain. This month with Mercury retrograde in Libra and the eclipses in Virgo and Libra/Aries it carries the theme of connections. Where we connect, how we connect, who we choose to connect with and why is what’s on offer for this big ending of the old and baby steps of the new.
It’s an 18 year cycle of your life that is drawing to a close. This is why there has been so much restlessness, anxiety, break ups, break downs. The old is crumbling and something new is just beginning to take shape. Which is why now is so powerful to spend a little time on what you want the new to include. This is where the dark side and it’s antidote come into play.
Don’t think for a moment that I am pushing that spiritual path of living only in light and doing away with the shadow. Not this post, not this girl – ever. The shadow is a powerfully important part of us, it’s even wired into our fingertips along with our genius, as one of the most unique things about us. Because our shadow adds depth to life. It adds contrast to our highest gifts which expands our experience. Think about it…
A painting with no shadow is a two dimensional drawing, it looks fake. In our lives, it can appear the same way. Those perfect lives we think are taking place on Facebook, right. Don’t get me wrong, I totally love the lighter side of life, the positive, feel good, touchy feely stuff. I’m just advocating for you seeing how it’s a total package. When we suppress one feeling they all get squelched. Back to those unmet needs in childhood. Back to the long shadow of the shame story we have about why those needs went unmet. The bogey man fear of where we are unloved, unlovable…
The difference is how you show up for all those feelings as an adult. The easiest way to get a clearer picture is paying attention to the frustrations we have about the people in our lives. The hurt, disappointment and anger when those we are connected to fail us, fail to meet those needs or expectations can eat up a lot of mental real estate. In fact the best way to locate some of your shadow, is to spend time reviewing your biggest complaints about your co-workers, friends, families and loved ones.
I promise you in those complaints sit your shadow needs and feelings. That is where those hidden gremlins of shame hide, so we point out what others have done to fail us, betray us, disappoint us. It’s because we have our own version of failing, betraying and disappointing ourselves. But it is SO much easier to point a finger at others. It helps to discharge the pain on a simple level. The problem is, you can’t change them. Really – like that’s new information, right. Yet it’s the source of soooooo much struggle. And here’s the way to work with it. Love…
I know, so very cliche and yet in this case I want to propose something a little less fluffy and very tangible. Not easy, but concrete actions steps.
Sit with the stories and see where what bothers you most in others has roots in the way you treat yourself. Feel it. Can you let yourself do that? How hard is it to be present to all those swirling shadow needs we put onto others? What’s your capacity to view your shadow side and lovingly allow those feelings, wishes, wails, rants or rages?
This week I found myself doing chores that didn’t EVEN need doing as a way to escape all those dark corners. The upside is my cupboards are immaculate. Finally a good friend called a halt for me and said she was giving me the prescription I so often give to others. Sit with the feelings for 10 minutes. Whew, there’s a tough one. I’ve given that advice tons of times… Now it came back to me as something I was running from. Shame abut how weak those feelings made me feel, judgement that I was running from them, time to see myself.
I put it off for a good while after the phone call, that gives you an idea of how uncomfortable I was. Finally I threaded some good music in the earbuds, grabbed my journal and sat down. Flooding occurred. Tears and tears and tears. There were a lot of complaints stored up over 18 years. Then something struck me. I was rereading the Five Languages of Love for a client and I got a big ‘Aha’ moment about that book when I sat with myself.
This book outlines that we all have different ways of feeling loved and it’s usually one of these five primary ways. Touch, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Gifts. The way you give love is often the way you want to receive it – but not always. The idea was to rank these five in order of importance to better understand how to ask for what you require in partnership.
Where I’m going with this is important at putting love in action for yourself in a way that lands for you!
I have two of the languages in first position for how I feel loved, both Quality Time and Touch. One without the other just doesn’t do it for me so I allowed myself to have two. Vulnerability begins when I allow myself all those shameful shadow feelings and seeing me. Next was how I show myself love.
While you are sitting with your shadows – simply noticing them and seeing all your stories – why not see that time as an investment in a better relationship with yourself speaking in a language of love that works for you? For example, while I was taking my 10 minutes I was giving myself Quality Time (not the cupboards) so then I just needed to add Touch to the equation. (Note: This is how you strengthen any relationship you have, by changing how you relate to you)
I love rocking chairs. I love swings, too. Something about that forward back motion feels like flying to me and I love that feeling. So I gave myself the 10 minutes, actually it wound up being more like 30 because I was enjoying my company, with some rocking to the music and feeling it all. Big exhale here… Oh that felt good. Why had I denied myself this?
Because of old patterns to be busy, be distracted, we get good at avoiding the accumulating pain in our own ways. It’s natural, yet not as fully aware and engaged as I want to live my life going forward. This is how I want to end the old and begin the new cycle with the eclipses this month. Replacing old behaviors with ones that feel better, kinder, richer. Expressing love for myself in ways that register, get received and dig in deep. Catching myself, with friends help when I forget and I invite you to do the same.
How honest, lovingly honest can you be with yourself? How compassionate? What would it take for you to get your own attention for those dark places and speak your version of love language you can absorb?
Towards that end I am making a change in events to give you all another option. The Solar eclipse is this Saturday and my event was planned to spend quality time with you and your Destiny – because how to love yourself so much more is there in your hands. However, in Human Design astrology the eclipse has both the Sun and the Moon sitting in the gate of exhaustion. Are you feeling it? I am!!!
Several of those who were going to participate wavered at a day long walk through their uniqueness – not because they don’t love themselves but because they do! Enough to honor how ‘tired’ shows up in their lives. So we are going to change it up! Saturday, instead of the day long event (get details on that here) we are going to have a 90 minute call where it’s all about you, how you are feeling during this eclipse, what is coming up for you and all the ways I can show you how to work with your shadow and love yourself through it.
This call will be from 11-12:30pm PDT Saturday the 12th. All those who’ve signed up for the experience still get the rescheduled day long experience next month AND the call is included as a bonus for the delay. If you haven’t signed up for the experience and want join the call – you can do that! For the cost of just a half hour, you will get three times that attention and support the day of the eclipse. Join Us HERE.
Just to be very clear ahead of Mercury retrograde – the Life Purpose Experience will be a day long in October instead of this weekend. So this Saturday it is replaced by a single call with all kinds of support from 11-12:3opm PDT. If you haven’t signed up for the event you will need to sign up for the call. Get Eclipse Support HERE.
Your choice, the Life Purpose Event in October plus the Saturday call as a bonus – get all the love HERE.
Just the 90 minute call Saturday at over 60% off – feel better HERE.
Bring your hands, your questions or just your ears if you are too tired to engage much. Let the community connection feed you and I’ll help. Wishing you rest, connection and space for ALL of you as you wrap up the old and give birth to the new.