This week started off with a BANG, literally since it’s the Fourth of July here in the United States. Astrologically as well we have aspects to show us more clearly what makes us feel safe, what do we love and how do we share that with others. So you can see why breakthroughs are a big possibility.
They may come wrapped in some intense packaging however so it pays to be aware that extreme reactions can come into play when it comes to who we are and what we love feeling threatened. Some over reactions are possible. It’s all by way of clearing out the emotional closets or basement. There is so much power in being willing to go into our fears and set ourselves free. After all, we just celebrated Independence Day!
What have you had tucked away, rotting and disowned down there in the underground storage of your world? I know for me it’s a dirty little secret only a few people know. I declared bankruptcy a couple years ago. I’m just now able to talk about it and it’s still terribly uncomfortable. Telling you here, now, is part of my breakthrough and damned scary in light of the chance of over reactions this week. But I’m committed to growing and being real does just that.
My own judgment around it happening has me locked into a cycle that has to end. You see when I had my stock brokerage firm 20 plus years ago, my primary client embezzled over $200 million dollars and went to prison for eight years. It put me out of business to the tune of almost $100,000. I took enormous pride in working two and even three jobs to pay almost everyone off rather than going bankrupt as I was advised.
So I walked around with a sense of worth that was tied to ‘doing the right thing’ even when it was tremendously hard. I’m ashamed now to admit, I judged people who had gone bankrupt because I hadn’t done that, I’d been willing to work off my debt. Ashamed because suddenly I found myself in a horror show I couldn’t seem to get out of.
I was laid off from an executive level job with top salary. Thrilled with friends encouragement I started my own business doing intuitive readings, my first and longest love. Then the market fell apart in 2008. I tried sales consulting and got a couple of gigs but my best efforts (and others) couldn’t keep those businesses afloat, they went under as well.
Nothing was beneath me, I interviewed for all level of jobs only to be turned away again and again. Trying to keep an 80 year old house in one piece along with my life. I failed. There was mold in the bathroom, a furnace that blew midwinter, fences that came down and finally a roof that leaked.
I ran out of time and options although I kept trying to pull off a miracle. After all I had the help of friends, all my efforts and a track record of having pulled it off in difficult circumstances before, I didn’t want to believe I couldn’t make it work. I was wrong. Even then I didn’t declare bankruptcy after I lost the house. I was on the phone with my friend who was dying and we both wanted to believe there was a miracle in there for us.
It wasn’t until the bank stripped off the home equity loan I used to try to salvage the house and sold it to a third party debt collector that I gave up. Instead of it being included with the house, it was a separate debt. They aggressively came after me to collect on it and it broke me down. Even legal aid was baffled on what on Earth they were so persistent for, I had nothing left for them to collect.
But I know what I had for them to collect on, it was the Universe going after my pride. That dirty little secret of being proud of ‘knowing what to do’ I walked around with was my shield against terrible things happening. The irony is I had a mirror in my dear friend who was fighting for her life. I spent one day with her and climbed in bed to hold her because she was losing the battle and it was becoming obvious. It was so easy for me to see the rage and resentment that were her shield against the fear. She held on to it in the face death and I tried to get her to let it go and let my love for her in to replace it. I judged her not surrendering her anger in that moment.
What I know now is it was my failure as much as hers that shared the bed that day. I couldn’t let go of my pride enough to be honest with her about all that I was feeling, I was perhaps just as horrified at failing to get a different outcome as she was. After all she was a healer who couldn’t heal herself. I was an overachiever and financial advisor who couldn’t work out a difficult situation. Neither of us knew how to be real and raw and human with our failings. But I could only see it in her, never realizing the mirror she held for me.
This week is about coming clean. Trust me, I know the judgment I am opening up for with this honesty. It makes me very uncomfortable to open that door. I’ve heard every version of what I should have done, could have done from those around me. What I didn’t hear was acknowledgement for what I had tried, how hard I did work. Maybe because I needed to believe that I had done the best I could whether anyone else did or not. In fact I needed to learn to believe it when they expressly did NOT believe it. That’s been the biggest challenge for me…Hello Pluto bombshell and breakthrough for me.
It’s showed me the shadow side of my own judgments. When I know what could have ‘fixed’ someone else, it’s really my own mind trying to reassure me that I won’t ever have to suffer what they suffer. The quietly or not so quietly self-righteous voice in our head is merely a shield against the cruel twists of fate that mean you can do everything right and still have it go wrong. That’s not something we live with easily. Judgment is a way of avoiding this possibility, at such high cost.
So I want to be compassionate with those who judge me and my choices after sharing them here today. Because sadly, I’ve been you. I wish you a gentler realization then I had. Then I have always had no small amount of pride in doing the hard things. Which is why I keep getting hard things I can’t accomplish by myself.
I love what I do and I love earning a living doing it, which is why I’m working so hard on the new program. In this gap before I unroll the program I’d love to work with you, exchanging value to help navigate whatever is needed by you. I’ll swallow my pride and be honest with you about my dirty little secret because love wins over fear. I want that for you, too!
I’d love showing you what this week’s bombshells and breakthroughs specifically mean for you – everyone wins. After all, some of those bombshells are terrific. One person shared a breakthrough win with me this morning that has been years in the making. Score one for the good news and who wouldn’t want to discover those hidden treasures waiting for you… right?
Which is why I want to offer donation based readings for the next two days. Make it a no brainer to get dialed in for you. What you want to donate dictates the length of your reading. We can use all of the tools at my disposal and get you the answers that benefit you. Just Click HERE and be first in line for your reading. If you want longer, just increase the quantity you wish to order. There is a calendar link that takes you to the page to book the time that is best for you upon check out.
Let’s help each other, and make the world a place where our love and belonging is the protection we can count on when life throws us curve balls. It’s so much richer that way then thinking you need to have all the answers or get it right. We all show up as ourselves, our whole selves and see where the good can be exchanged.
Wishing you so well, always!
As seen on NBC’s Love Shack,
Fox Family’s Hollywood Househusbands,
and USA Character Fantasy.