What makes you feel loved? What makes you feel safe? These are two powerful questions at the heart of what makes the Magic of this Nine year possible. First you have to know those two answers and this weekend has some surprising ways to help bring that about – uncomfortable as they may be.
We learn by contrast, so what comes up first is what doesn’t make us feel safe or loved. Welcome Mercury Retrograde January 2016. It finishes with a real flourish this weekend. There’s a lot of Moon/Pluto themes in the mix to add even more intensity – it takes us back to such a young and helpless place if we aren’t aware of what’s happening.
There’s a bigger theme that started over Thanksgiving and beyond the astrological speak, I can tell you what my take on it is. We have the place in us that knows we are connected to infinite resources and possibilities (look at our galaxy) and we have the contrasting space that knows that there are limits to what we can do, be and have.
It’s the dance between the global possibility and one single action. That’s what’s being refitted for magic this year in the form or the internal mother and father. In each one of us we have that mystical place where we can draw on cosmic wisdom, universal love and acceptance that is the perfect place to begin creating. Think of the womb, we floated cushioned in soft space with everything we needed provided before we knew we needed it. This space asks nothing of us but to be…
Then we have the contrasting place that knows if you stay suspended in the nice safe womb forever you experience a very limited life. You have to push out into the world and risk interacting with a whole big range of life to test what you are capable of out in that wide world.
What’s your creation point and what’s your action point and what are all the accumulated stores that no longer fit in your life?!
This weekend and quite possibly throughout this whole 20 day Mercury Retrograde period you’ve had old wounds triggered either by your life or witnessed it in those around you. This means you can see your limitations, see what’s outdated and unneeded going forward in how you nurture your creative impulses and also how you act on them. Wherever it’s been too hard or too soft is being re-tooled, re-fitted, re-calibrated for you
Pluto demands the hidden secrets come out into the light to burn away the rotten bits and leave you with treasure that rests underneath when you are brave enough to confront those bits. The goal is to leave you with your own updated version of parenting that improves on the gaps and holes your own, very human parents, could give you that you’ve been walking around with most of your life. Time for change…
Ready for that? Being aware of what’s happening can be so very helpful because feeling lost is a common emotion right now! If you’ve been brave you are in unfamiliar territory, and it’s because you are in uncharted waters you can now make choices beyond the reflex actions of the past. Where you haven’t dared, you stand tall and risk rejection. Where you’ve been to hard on yourself, you can cut yourself a little slack.
How will you nurture yourself in this space? Do you nurture yourself in this space? Can you let yourself just feel whatever your emotions are without explaining them, reasoning them away, shaming or blaming yourself? That’s a good place to start with the loving yourself, just let yourself feel whatever it is. Give yourself 10 minutes and let it roll through you.
Then you can take a little look at how you act on things that trigger you. We are wired for fight, flight or freeze. Which one is your go to response when life throws you curve balls. It can vary depending on how deep a trigger it is. For some things you fight, for others you flee. Notice where it’s always a fight or always a walk away. What’s your reaction map look like? With these astrological aspects that can be a lot of triggering right now. Where are shame and blame part of whatever you choose to do?
If you have marks near the bottom of your palm opposite your thumb you are going to be feeling even more of these effects. So are those of you with Saturn lines, the vertical line underneath your middle finger. Everything I’m talking about gets additional oomph when those lines or markings are there.
For example, those of you who’ve been following along know I had a spectacular accident a couple weeks ago. You can read the details of my Smashing Collision here. I’ve got both Pluto markings and a Saturn line. Hello…
My recovery is a twisting path through Mercury Retrograde and Pluto for sure. It really starts with finding out the investigators conclude I was the precipitating cause of the accident. That’s insurance speak for I’m to blame.
Now first all my dragons come out, that can’t be true! I pull out all the reasons why I’m not to blame and my kind insurance agent listens to each one and agrees with me on all points except the first thing I did, which started the chain of events.
She says if I want to revisit the facts she’s happy to enlarge her finding. In other words, tell a different story and there could be a different finding. Tempting, but no. The facts are the facts. Will I stand by what happened as the Truth even when I don’t like what it means? I had to practice what I preach, so I just sat there on the phone feeling the blind panic come up. ‘I’m to blame’!
Whoa does that take me down an interesting path. I have a lot of punishing scenarios attached to being ‘wrong’. I”m not allowed to make mistakes, that’s for sure. I started another post to tell you the story, stopped and had to sit with it a week longer. It’s that deeply ingrained in me that I don’t deserve love and support when I’m the one who makes mistakes. I will be punished, not commiserated with if I’m to blame. Those have to be hidden so you won’t know.
You ever feel that way? That small squirmy place, sure you are unlovable in your errors? Thank you Mercury Retrograde and Pluto for turning the light on that nasty corner in my mind. I had to sit and let myself feel that way for the last week. One by one little things chipped away at the unkind story in my brain. Remarkably to me, the agent couldn’t have been kinder. No harsh or condemning language out of her mouth. Instead there are remedies and my insurance still helps me. It is what I’ve paid for the last 30 plus years.
My lovely car Pearl, a gift from my sister, is most likely a total write off. But I’ve been exploring all kinds of new options, possibilities I hadn’t considered. Meanwhile, friends and even a couple new acquaintances helped me get groceries, get to the doctors and even get my rugs vacuumed when I couldn’t lift my arms.
One by one I told them I was to blame and they still helped. Some sympathized and told their own shame stories. Talk about rewriting the history with updated and sweeter facts that mistakes don’t make me unlovable. I knew this intellectually, now I have a solid experience to anchor that belief. And what a gift this is, unlikely though it may seem.
This year is the year each of us can go beyond where we thought was possible! It has the promise of magic and miracles in it. What’s required of us is to give ourselves a richer inner parenting than anyone experienced growing up. Isn’t that appealing… Which means you will find yourself in situations that require your comfort and action. Hmmmm.
Kind, nurturing support in the chaos of new beginnings paired with actions true to you, appropriate in the moment are the recipe for dreams come true. Which means letting go of what you think must happen, should happen, certain outcomes and results. Too much rigid planning will invite surprises, not altogether planning. You are being asked to trust yourself!
After all, the results can be BIGGER than you imagined when you hold the outcomes you want with open hands. Plus you don’t have to do it ‘perfectly’ to get the perfect outcome. Life can surprise you with a hell of a lot more fun when you know that perfect outcomes won’t look like what you thought, they will be better.
Fear wants certainty so it knows what’s coming, what to prepare for. But your heart wants abundance, which expands with trusting yourself moment by moment rather than rigidly holding a set course of action. By all means have goals, dreams, visions. Then open the possibilities of how they show up – try saying, ‘I get all that I imagine or better‘. That ‘or better‘ is the key. It gives you both a destination to steer towards while it still allows for the magic that makes it MORE.
I never thought I would be looking at a situation where my mistake can leave me better than I started, in spite of the bruised body and ego. It’s still resolving but I’m practicing staying open to what’s unfolding moment by moment. Just rewiring that punishing voice is a huge payoff for me. It’s not clear how it’s going to wind up with my car, but I’m liking the way an outcome is unfolding with more compassion and less punishment.
So I’m offering my special discount for just a few more days to help see me through the end of the month and healing. I debated telling you I make mistakes (like that’s a surprise) and still offering my insight and expertise. Then I realized, that’s part of this process too. What I see for you is never based on getting it ‘right’, for either of us. It’s about trusting the bigger Truth that’s perfect for you, even in a cloud of dark doubt and using that bigger perspective to get back to the benevolence of life. My insight comes in the authentic me, flawed and yet still useful in the entirety of what I share. Is that helpful to you…? If so, please take advantage of my deeply discounted readings for both our sake.
Your patience is still appreciated as I slowly get back on my feet, but I’ll get you your answers within 72 hours from when you book the reading. Thank you again for being part of the human chain that helps make the world feel safer together, when tough things happen, even when we make mistakes.
And, please, do make sure you take some quiet time this weekend. Notice where you can mother and father yourself in ways you want included in your expanding year ahead. You are so worth your time…