It’s Friday the 13th and people will be staying home, laying low and curbing all kinds of activities. It’s more than a scary movie franchise, it’s a real phenomenon. In fact the Examiner had this to say about the date.
“According to Dr Donald Dossey, author and founder of the Stress Management Center/Phobia Institute, up to 21 million Americans fear Friday the 13th. Some people are so paralyzed by fear that they avoid their normal routines that day.
Isn’t it interesting that a day so widely feared is followed by one focused on Love?
Now Valentine’s Day brings up a lot of stuff for most people, it’s a highly polarized day with a ton of expectations wrapped around it. I always loved what my friend Rhonda Britten had to say about expectations, ‘They’re just premeditated resentment”.
Let me give you an example, since we think in pictures and stories.
A couple I know went camping. He loved, loved, loved it and she tolerated it because she loved him. She really didn’t like roughing it. Come the big holiday, he gave her a chemical toilet, portable even, so that she would have a bit of comfort when they were out roughing it. Ironically, another couple in the family for that same holiday, well, she wound up with a coveted piece of jewelry.
Chemical toilet or diamonds, what do you think the brain made of that comparison, hmmm?
If she had stayed with fear, if she had listened to conventional expectations, she would have missed the story. Her man loved her and wanted her with him. He didn’t want it to be so hard on her, he cared about her comfort. It may not have been as flashy as the diamond but there was love in the gift. Fear would have made what out of that story? Love made a joke that is now famous in the family.
It’s human to have fear and love closely related because what we love we fear losing. There’s attachment to who or what we love and our brain’s overestimate loss. That’s part of our survival brain kicking in – but that’s a cold fact that doesn’t always stack up against the sweeping cascade of emotion of what we are afraid of. We not only want to feel and be loved, but when others see it, that fact reassures us. So this is what helps drive up the pressures and fears around Valentine’s Day.
We aren’t supposed to replace emotion with logic. In the swim of all those emotions that question whether we can have what our heart’s desire, whether we can keep our heart’s desire, whether we will get more of what our heart’s desire – a deeper exploration of just what we want and what it means to us is possible. It’s where expansion happens there in the depths.
Simply sticking a mental solution on the feeling really doesn’t answer the situation. It may help in the moment but don’t you notice your fears and doubts circling back to start nibbling at the edges of that neat solution? Our heart’s and our minds are opposite. To feel you have to immerse yourself in the emotion, there are no clear lines and neat paths as any of you Scuba divers out there know. Water in nature is soft focus with irregular edges and movement. Our emotions are much the same.
Our minds pull us out of the water and 10,000 feet up for a clear picture. Things make more sense from up here, patterns emerge that teach and guide us how to navigate. It does however take us out of the feeling and a long way back. Which is the seesaw that is Love and Fear.
The mind is meant to protect us from the pain of loss and ensure our survival. The threat of that pain can lead us down all kinds of interesting paths. Sometimes our mind has us making stories up about what we see that makes sense but aren’t very kind. The truth is, we don’t really know what is in anyone’s mind, including our own. Those vast storage bins of memories have their own pockets of rationalizations you may not even realize exist.
So pay attention to what you are telling yourself, what is fearful and what is kind? Be willing to keep an open mind. Best to remember, as I always say, Fear Doubt, Judgement and Criticism are just guards on your power to expand. Since your brain feels safest with status quo, these guys get busiest when you are tapping into your power to change and grow! Fear makes an excellent servant but a lousy master. Those bodyguards work for you…
If you want to help navigating all you are feeling, the fear and the love – I’m here to help. Or if you want a way to be your own Valentine, why not spend quality time where it’s all about YOU? We’ll add more love to your life and get your VALENTINE HERE!
This is a reading that looks at your love life! What are you meant to receive? What are you meant to do with what you are given? Where is the bigger picture for you and your heart’s desire? Let’s look together and see what you are creating. Then you will know valuable information on how to dial it up where you want and down where you don’t.
Want even more? The Couples Compatibility digs deep on where your individual fear triggers are intensified and what remedies there are for how you can get out of limiting patterns and into a deeper pool of love. Sign Up for MORE love with that HERE.
It’s a wonderful chance to spend a little time with your own fears in a loving way. What a tender expression of love there is in accepting yourself in this moment fears, human moments and all. May you see yourself as I see you, perfectly you!
Here’s wishing you a day of luck followed by a day of love.