Choosing Backbone Or Boundaries…

Have you heard it, the phrase “I put my boundaries down”.

It’s a popular one these days.  It seems to crop up in the most unexpected places… In a bank line, at the gym in a phone conversation (I know, someone on the phone and the treadmill – breath control impressive), a casual conversation overheard out in front of my place.  My friends and even on occasion me, although I struggle with the phrase every time!

Since the end of the Mayan long count and the ‘NEW’ world we are giving birth to, or ‘New Age’ although that’s been so overused as a phrase it lacks impact, boundaries seem to make sense, right?

Do they always?  I’ve found in my life that boundaries can become battle grounds.  After all as soon as you put a line down, particularly a new line in an old relationship, they get tested.  In fact in my life they can be the starter pistol on another’s focused effort to get things to return to ‘normal’. Whew, talk about struggle!

Not to mention, I don’t enjoy most things that seem to separate abruptly.   Life offers enough of those in untimely deaths, jobs lost, cross-country moves.  I like to be selective in what separates me from others as well as what connects me to others.

So one of my favorite wise people offered up a little insight I want to share with you.  He pointed out that when you are secure within yourself, you don’t need to ‘set’ a boundary, guidelines more gently move into place around a solid, centered decision you make within yourself.

That really appealed to me.  I tried it.  Instead of arguing about a boundary I wanted respected, I simply said yes or no to what worked for me, accompanied by those very words “that doesn’t work for me, what else is possible”.  Now full disclosure,  I didn’t start with one of the two people who trigger me most.  Best to start with a less charged conversational partner until you have practice!

I almost fell over backwards at how well it was received.  I waited until I was calm, I was sure of my decision and I said it without heat or agenda.  It was heard.  Can I repeat that for you… It was heard.   The second one was more difficult for me, but an important shift once I’d had other chances to put this in action.

Now one person was someone who doesn’t have a history of reacting in any sort of a positive way to boundaries.  They tend to trigger a bonfire of unhappiness or rage in this inner circle member that usually had me packing it in and backing up.

Not so much with my show of backbone.  I had a calm certainty that felt un-moveable by now and so it was respected and the shift occurred.  Wow, I couldn’t wait to try it elsewhere.  Similar results proved this choice was going to be a good one for me.  I got better with practice and some people were easier than others, I’m sure you can imagine.  Good to allow yourself a learning curve.

I want to share that with you.  Choosing Backbone over Boundary is another option and I like choice.  There is very little that makes you feel as good about a choice as knowing you had more than one and picked exactly the best thing for you.  So as you go about your days, weeks, lives with those around you – it may serve you to remember in some cases a Backbone may offer more than a Boundary.  It’s your call.

I let myself feel it first. I gave myself permission to want what I wanted, have what I wanted, say no to what doesn’t work for me and then communicate from there knowing I am looking after me!  That’s just good practice for almost anything, right?  Then mentally I thanked the person for a chance to practice and roll it out.  You’d be surprised at how that little thank you mentally can be felt.

For those of you who want more insight into how your hands tell you ‘where’ your backbone is best so you can put that to work in romantic relationships, do I have good news for you!  Knowing yourself along with some of these tools is where I love to connect most!
I’m sharing two different classes on your love style, your triggers, your lessons and how to work with ‘your love gifts’ to build your relationship up or create a new one starting with the ‘real Truth’ of you! So often we get caught in relationships responding to old triggers and following the same patterns,  Want to replace those patterns with a fresh perspective and a customized set of tools?  I’d like to help you with that…

These two  options each offer a recognition of your individual (as shown by your hand) style and how to work with the best and mange the not so sweet aspects we each have.  They also give you a basic understanding of your partner’s love style.  Simply knowing these contrasts can make ALL the difference in how you connect with each other!  Talk about tailor-made insight into reworking challenges, right!  What is a real shift in how you do conflict and brain re-training tools you can use anywhere, anytime worth to you… You tell me!

Don’t want to commute – dial in for the support you want to receive.

June 30th and July 1st from 6:30pst to 7:45pst – Get your SHIFT in LOVE without leaving home!


Want in person attention?  Size is limited to eight and we already have seats filled to work with Lisa, grab yours NOW:

June 28th – Saturday In Person in West Hollywood near Sunset and La Brea

IN PERSON SESSION – Limited Seating ($600 Value)

Details provided upon registration.

These courses allow me to share my time with more of you so I can get the price down over 70% of what you would pay for individual time.  I want you to have the support…

Thank you and please do share where your choice of backbone over boundaries works for you!  I always love to hear from YOU…


Lisa Greenfield



Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.