Have you heard the old definition of madness? It’s doing the same thing over and over and still expecting different results. This Full Moon is either an invitation to break through to a new way of doing things or a cliff of madness where your frustration can be epically destructive. You choose… You’ve already seen the ramp up out in the world with people exploding (terrorism) or imploding (suicide). It’s a bit intense right now for most of the world.
Not easy to hear, I know, and not everyone’s struggle is equal. Yours might be a milder adjustment or it may be a life-changing corner. I’ve heard of seven suicides just in the last week and there is a reason for this heartbreaking reaction. It is absolutely time to let the old false ego die. The harshness, the injustice, the frustration or loneliness feel so real and can render you helpless if you look at it the same old way. How you interpret what you feel, what you want to do with it is absolutely what’s to be shifted. There is a better Truth than the one you’ve heard for too long…
I know for myself I’ve had flashbacks to some cruel memories that had me sobbing in my cereal at the recall. Wow, not easy to see. Especially because when I looked, really looked at the memory, I could also see where I had a hand in some of what happened. This is not to say I deserved it, or that the other person was blameless. Far from it.
Still I recognize where I participate in the ugly story about my unlovability. When I believe it, I’m out of integrity with the real Truth about me and so are you. If I say that I want to create a life lived from love and not fear, where have I been afraid to see the worst parts of me? I am not being loving when I edit out those parts and judge myself by the process. This week I remembered one place where I had a particularly ugly exchange with my ex-husband, one that had been shelved for over 20 years. When I looked at it, I had to admit I added fuel to the flames out of ego and a desire to win the fight because it was so unfair the way he started it. There’s a less than pristine memory, ouch. I need to own that if I say I love all of me.
If I commit to creating from love, then can I love that part of me, too? When I feel sorry for myself, and this Full Moon has ‘Poor Me’ wired into it, can I look at those awful moments and empathize with all of it. I want to review the story with grace for myself, my actions, motivations, every bit of it, so that I can find a way to extend Grace to me first and possibly one day to him. It’s not easy. There are moments I’d like to see him twist in pain and this was decades ago.
But then the reality surfaces that he does twist in pain or he never would have said and done the things he did. Wishing him pain doesn’t change anything for the better, though it may feel good in a moment. I can honor that and let it go. A friend of mine, Dina Strada, wrote a wonderful post on anger and telling the Truth to yourself. When we own our emotions, they cease to drive us unconsciously into creating more and more of the same behavior.
So this isn’t about dropping your horrible thoughts and fears, don’t put that pressure on yourself right now. You won’t be able to in one fell swoop this Full Moon. When they show up, before you pack them off or deny them, see if you can understand more of where they served you. If you can’t readily access your own feelings, pay attention to what’s going on around you. I’ll lay you odds the people close to you struggle with similar issues. When they vent to you (or at you), investigate to where you have a piece of that story, too. Not the whole thing and not in the same way – but you’ve got a corner of your own that needs a little more light on it if it’s coming up.
Offer yourself Grace when those moments show up. Be kind enough to see how those responses, reactions, beliefs were programmed as part of a survival tool kit. Now is the time for a new tool kit. Which is why this incredibly uncomfortable energy is on the doorstep. The world needs demand we trade up for better beliefs, ones that include your well being along with others in more equal measure. It can’t be a solution for me that asks someone else to suffer as a way to redress past injustices. That’s a recipe for more of the same. It always makes me thing of the adage, if we live by and eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth we all walk around blind and gumming our way through life.
But you can’t get to a more equal place until you give your wounds your full attention and compassion first. Own it and be responsible for yourself. You – responsible for taking care of where it hurts. Full stop. Start there and the rest will come online in its own perfect order for you. Don’t try to manage it. Instead stay present to each moment’s needs and wants.
Grace In Action
You find grace for yourself when you include the part of you that wishes those who deserted you, betrayed you, or wounded you in any way to suffer as you did. When you add those hidden bits, the nasty ones, the shift inside you is monumental. You don’t have to forgive the other person right now. Start by forgiving yourself. Your unlovable parts were carefully edited out in service of the survival ego and now the Astrology from February through August this year is all about dismantling the false sense of self or false ego. This is its death knell and it’s fighting all the way. Grace means you see all of you with loving eyes.
You are lovable, right now, in all your imperfections even the ones you don’t like to admit that you have. And boy are our raw spots up for view right now. I can’t remember when grace has been more needed then right now, when you see yourself and the world around you. Start small, a step at a time. You can begin with a little grace for the ‘young you’ that wanted and needed that false ego to get you through the rough spots. It had a part to play.
Give yourself credit and realize that what’s dying is not you or what you think keeps you safe. This is shedding your old ego skin so that a healthier new one can move forward with you. One that doesn’t feel so helpless with a need to control things or stubbornly avoids being controlled at all costs – including being isolated from others.
The ‘Safe’ Secret
What is going to keep you safe moving forward isn’t a rigid idea or belief. It’s not a total set of rules to live by or for others around you to live by that is required right now. Personal power is being hugely redesigned. But don’t get twitchy trying to manage the remodel. Each person’s path is right at hand without a lot of mental activity trying to control it.
Instead you have to commit to a new level of trust in yourself, moment by moment. Ask yourself, ‘does this feel right for me‘? Does this honor all of me and what I want with my whole heart? How do I consider others without sacrificing myself in this moment? These are good questions to try, one situation at a time. Instead of a win/lose scenario, feel your way into one where both sides give and stretch as you get to a better place together. You keep yourself comforted and safe, YOU do. No one else has that responsibility – not like you do.
Take it back, own it and then others can join the effort (and they will) once you no longer feel you need them to do it. But you can’t get there until you’ve honored the places in you that made others your adversaries or enemy for being different, selfish, oblivious or any number of things. That was far less true then you know and once you attend to your own raw places, you’ll start to recognize them in others and what drove them.
Don’t worry if it feels awkward or a bit odd to start. The rush to fall back on old habits, patterns and known solutions is normal. Hint, it just won’t turn out as you wish… So when you get stuck, try this new line of questions as you feel your way forward a moment at a time. Forge habits of being and doing in each moment that flex with situations only to discover that they aren’t at all like what you initially thought. When you trust yourself rather than trying to decide ahead of time to limit risks then a whole picture starts to emerge. Aha, now the light dawns!
The good things is this way you quickly discover the worst situations can turn out to be your best resources for big shifts when you do it this way. I know, because I’ve already seen it at work. I’ll save some of those stories for next time…I want to hear some of yours.
So for this ‘Poor Me’ Full Moon, give yourself the attention your wished for from another. Go deep and spend quality time with you and where it hurts. You are worth your time. You’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish with this approach.
All About You
If you want help, do please reach out. I’m here for you. Check out all the ways I can help you here and let me know where I can support you. Some of your greatest strengths are revealed in your hands. It’s the map of your best self and it shows you where the shadow can keep you stuck. It’s also really good at showing you how to navigate from struggle to superb – the way YOU work best, right there in your hands. I love taking a good look at your highest Truth and sharing it back with you, recorded, so you can listen whenever you need reminding.
Here’s wishing you a sweet and strong Full Moon moment to treasure moving forward. You’ve got this available to you if you are willing to see… keep your eyes and heart open.